Meme Party Mayhem

My house tends to be rather nuts.

J has her birthday today (Huzzah!), which means we had another insane party at our place this past weekend. I didn't expect to be able to go, but students kept me in office hours for way too damn long, so it was pointless to drive up to the thesis lab site that evening. In five minutes I had to come up with a costume for the theme of the party so I could be the DD and party control. Hmmmm.... internet memes?

Box Gundam!
I can't find a big enough box.

A Wild X Appears!
Meh, how would I pull that friggin' off?

I Fucking Love Cocaine
Nah, not enough snow.

Feel Like a Sir
No top hat or monocle.

Not A Fuck was Given....
..... that might work......

My Little Pony IRL
.
.
.
YES!

So I grab the cyber dreads, the black eyeliner, the wool dread-heads, the goth wear, and the stash of ponytail holders and get to work. Unfortunately, there are no photos of the end result (dammit), but it was rather epic - except noone got it. If I were at a kink party, I have a feeling everyone would have raised eyebrows and the Dom/mes would have grabbed the bit gags. Seriously.

I have long and thick enough hair that with four ponytails in a row down my head and the multi-color dreads accenting, I had a full mane that would make a Frisian proud.  Bell bottom black pants, the wool anchored as a tail, a black heart painted on my cheek. Yes. I was a fucking pony and was ready to go show off. Pet would have been proud.

After the party ramped up and I got the 'what the hell ARE you?' out of the way, I had so much enthusiasm and energy I ended up prancing around the house... and got requests to snort, stamp, and generally act like a horse. I've done so much horse work cleaning stalls that it was easy and entertaining. =)

Unfortunately, there was some problems at the party as well. We had a few over-drink (which isn't surprising), and a few of them we didn't know how to handle because they're usually in the 'I'll only have one or two and stop' category. I was unaware the housemate that's attached with someone (I'm calling him Boyfriend) in my lab has an open relationship and he's one that we didn't know how to manage. I was out of the crowd control gig the moment I had to step out and away from the party because of what he did......

*sigh*

There are two or three women in the GA crowd that catch my eye and I'd be after them in a heartbeat if I stood a flipping chance. One's a vagina-phobe. I'm serious, she's not homo-phobic in any way, shape or form - she doesn't care about that. She's scared to death of vaginas and loves penis way too much, so she'd never hook up with another girl. Mk, no problem, we'd clash personality wise anyway, but it's still a fun daydream to think of a one night stand.

Another one is straight, although she has sisters that are all gay or bi. *shrug* She was also taken... or up until recently, I found out while she was toasty. No big deal, I can dream and hold in my comments when she's holding the Hitachi wand against her back for a massage (No shit, she did this while drunk at the party. Then had the nativity to NOT get it and try to get me over there with a "come on, ***my name***, it feels so good!"). She's a tease when she's drunk, but it's manageable and I can usually control myself enough to STFU.

The last one's straight (so I think?) and native beyond the beyond. Blushes brick red around any form of suggestive activity... you get it. She lives her life in her bubble of work, but she has enough common interests with me that it's always a fun conversation. God damn, what I wish I could do with this one... and she can move/dance (martial arts, dance training, etc), so she's also one hell of a tease. I don't have the close fiend tie with her like I do with numero dos, so I'm harder to control around this chiqua. Usually I can manage.... although the urge to join spin the bottle with number two and three was almost my downfall at the last party. Instead I played voyeur.

Except Number three got drunk this time enough to let go. The usual Tool tried, but he couldn't get anywhere fast 'cause she knows how to put up with his shit. I'm keeping tabs on the outside when I hear Boyfriend and Number three are locked up in a housemate's room - which I think is no big deal 'cause Boyfriend is taken and Number 3's almost a saint, or at least a prude. Yea, no, housemate, Boyfriend and Number three are actually talking about 'options' because of the open relationship. They come out (no one knows what was going on except that clothes stayed on, so no big deal). I'm talking to Number two about her hitachi experience in the kitchen with Number 3 in presence.. until Boyfriend comes up, whispers in Number 3's ear, kisses her seductively, then asks if that was ok. She stumbles back with a dreamy look on her face and says she 'has to think about it'.

I almost fucking lost it. I almost.... almost.... knocked the fucker out. Instead I think I turned three shades of white, two of pink, then strolled out of the house.

It wasn't the poly aspect that got me... I know people that are poly and happy and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Hell, if I were at a kink party, it would be normal and I'd be absolutely peachy. That's the thing - it wasn't a kink event and Number 3's not kinky. JealousMonster! decided it was time to let out the rest of the monster and I had one hell of a fight holding on to the reigns on myself. In my mind it was like I'm a starving African child and some overweight bastard walks up to the locked up bag of Doritos, reaches right in 'cause they can, and eats the whole bag. Fuck no. I know I don't have a chance, but you don't have to fucking smear my nose in it. Not when you already have one good thing in your life. Fuck you. Fuck you, girls, for teasing me more than I can stand (although unknowingly), and fuck you, sir, for playing the field of impossible for someone like me.

Yes, I walked out of the party and cooled down enough to shove the monster back in the box. It came out on my face a few times later that evening when Two and Three continued to unwittingly push the 'tease' button throughout the night and I got a few questions from a few other people as to if I was ok... but I kept myself in check until 6 am when the last of everyone got their happy asses home. Three hours of sleep later, I chatted with Number 2 (yea, she's one of my housemates) without a verbal filter (but the mental one was still in check - huzzah!) and I dove myself up to thesis-place in time to get some testing done.

Good God, I could use a drink. Except I have an allergic reaction to something in booze. But I could use a drink. Or a sledgehammer to the head. Or something.

An old corset and a few words

I recently found an old photo from my undergrad days.

I'm standing in front of a white multi-pane door with black accents. I'm in a (plastic boned) corset, black with white flower designs, with my hair down and noir style makeup. I have a mysterious grin on my face - really, I don't remember why. I do remember it was just before heading out to goth night at my old stomping grounds and I had a good friend of mine take the photo.

So, I put it up on the *insert fetish website here* just for kicks. I have more images of chainmaille up there than anything else, and I figure most people are probably getting annoyed with me publicizing my side business. The only real flattering photo of myself I have up is from 2008 - the one of me in the dress and snow. Huzzah. I was also lusting for a real steel boned corset, so I figured I had to make my case that I like corsetry. Or something.

I got a huge and unexpected reaction from a ton of people in the local scene. As in, I was absolutely floored.

Most everyone put up the usual "damn, you look hot." Ok, that's a usual complement for pictures that people are just seeing where there is some sexual appeal. Fetish people and corsets - they go together like a turtle and water. Two responses really got me, though, because they had something deeper to say.

One, unnamed for general reasons, said something along the lines of (paraphrasing) With that shy and sexy smile, I wish we saw more of this side of you.

*blink*

O....k.....
I think I'm letting this out a bit, but I guess not?

The other said (paraphrasing, from a male source) - I don't really see you as a sexual type person until I saw this, but now I can objectify you in a good way.

*mini internal freakout*

That's when the knife decided to anchor itself somewhere in the rib/lung area and I had to flee from the site for a while. Why? Well, it's difficult really to pin down. I guess it's because I AM  a sexual person times ten bagillion and one. My libido (and attitude on sex in general) is like a 15-16 year old boy in a strip club.... which is why I keep it shoved in under a rock somewhere on the west coast.

I'm NOT a good person. I can't be trusted to keep my damn hands to myself, and I most certainly can't be trusted to keep in the acceptable limits spectrum. That 15-16 year old boy? He's been in the weight room and is more than willing to overcome the next beautiful woman that passes by. I fight, struggle, coerce, and generally beat the crap out of that part of me so it stays in relative submission and I can function like a 'normal' human during the day - but sometimes bits and pieces come flying on out at unexpected moments. So, after a few scares and a lot of self-loathing coming from the 'normal' person in here, I linked the sexual to the perverse. Not that it's a BAD thing to be perverse... it's just the extreme part of myself that I loathe to see loose control in ME.

It doesn't help that the 'sexy' in me is fleeting at best under the strain and pressure I hold myself to in order to not let anything 'unacceptable' show. Toss in the geek, throw in a 'fuck off' written on my forehead when I'm uncomfortable with myself and my thoughts... it's no wonder I'm still on the singles market.

But my submission, with someone else in control, I don't have to worry about that other personality... for some reason it disappears and I can relax. I rarely have to beat a tiger back with a stick when I'm being beaten, or iced, or *insert favorite torture here* ~ although I make sure to negotiate no sex.

Dammit, I rambled on again.

Anyway, if they want to see the relaxed sexiness? They can either wait until I get a better tiger cage or they can let me get it out with some activity that I can control. Dancing (as in stripping), I can control myself. Normal interactions - I haven't even tried out of fear.

This birthday party, after these requests, is going to be like throwing the rest of my head to the sharks. I'm just hoping for no panic attacks to sneak up from my past...

Slave Chains, Birthday Parties, and Hobble skirts - Oh my!

With a name like that, I'd better come up with something REALLY interesting to write about, huh.

Still here?

Well then. Hate to disappoint you, but all of these things have nothing to do with each other. My, that would make one hell of a fun story though, wouldn't it? Heh!

Anyway... Point one - Slave Chains!

A local group puts on a Mardi Gras Party every year - or so I hear. They've asked me to come up with a donation for a raffle, since I'm the local chainmaille nut and can maille something random in my sleep. Ok, then, but there's another mailler that's working her way up the jewelry market faster than I can blink - and I know she's looking at making something fabulous. Damn these pupils overcoming their masters! *fist wave* So, I'm open to opinions.... my first thought when I saw the outcome of the picture below was that - in Titanium - it would make bitchin' slave chain.

Jens Pind in micro

Yes, I intend to make it the same size. Yes, that is a real life penny in the center. Hence me wanting to make it from Titanium. Now, what I have envisioned is this: two anklets (lockable?), with a chain connector that can act as a hobble (only so long for the stride).

Part Dos - Birthday Parties!

At the game night I mentioned earlier (the one where I tried my damnedest to break my foot...), Ana had this wonderfully complex idea. You see, her 21st B-day is coming up [HUZZAH!!!!!!], and she wants a kinky bash along with the usual festivities. My b-day's not too far behind (25, whut?!?), and I'll be in a conference several states away, so why not a double?  I sat there coming up with ways to make this happen - which included a usual stomping ground for a local group. As long as we had the space and the people, we'd be ok, right? Yea, we ended up without the space. *headdesk*

All of the sudden, the complex part reminded me how much of a mental case I can be for taking on such things with enthusiasm. I ended up occupado for a few days with grading papers for my students (that I'm still not done with... heh.) and Ana heard of this and was frantic, which is understandable. The prospective community responded with gusto (I thank EVERYONE who offered up places/homes - again, I'm amazed at how awesome you people are =3), but that left us with a bit of a problem....

The only places that could handle the number of people that would show up are rather sizable rooms/locations. We have one that fits the bill (again - I LOVE Spider and Cross for mentioning their place! *MUAH!*), but the drama llama had to rear it's head because some people that we wouldn't mind inviting are on the THOU SHALT NOT list due to past personal issues. This wouldn't bother me too much (morality, what?) if she hadn't offered up HER place to host as well - which would have the same conditions.

*ball-punts the drama llama*

If in this sort of situation, is it acceptable to have a public lunch the day of, then a private kink party later? I don't want anyone to think we're choosing sides - 'cause I for one am NOT. I didn't even know there was a problem with these groups until really recently. I know that I just want to save myself from the crossfire (and Ana if I can help it) if there is any. So.... yea. Trouble? Sure? Thank you, Sir, may I have another?

Part Trox - Hobble Skirts

A few months ago (I'm not really sure when...) I noticed Pet had a deviantart account on his links. Thinking it was HIS, I wandered on over. Nope, it's not his, but a fantastic artist named Lord Dragon Master. He/She/It? Meh... They are a fantastic comic artist that draws a manga that I'll be reviewing shortly because... well... it's that awesome. BUT - while I'm waiting for LDM to hand me over a linkable button with a bit of his art on it for you to click on and wander over that way, he drew up a character in a costume that I absolutely LOVE (psssst - click me for the link). As in, I want it. I lust for it. And I want it to wear for the birthday party, dammit.

The best part is, I have a pair of black pants that are starting to wear really bad in the crotch region (yea, I have gams). I noticed they have a hole or two and I can't wear them as pants anymore. Lightbulb - on! Now I need to find someone with a sewing machine............... Oh, and I need to find a decently priced  steel boned corset. 'cause I also am 5'6", 230 lbs, and don't look like this anymore -

High School Self-Portrait. 165 lbs, Senior Year

 A play party, this past year - current body shape.

Also, the pants that will be altered.

230lbs

 Self Portrait, same dress as HS.

Junior year undergrad - and tightlacing.

225 lbs?

So, yea.... it'll be interesting. BUT I WILL DO IT! (I hope?)

And suddenly, there were stairs.

Hypno and his loverly wife host some of the best non-kink allowed parties for kinky people. I mean, seriously, where else are you gong to find a huge, dynamic, and diverse group of people piled on a couch watching V for Vendetta? Seriously? So, when a 'kinky game night' was posted, I was there. I mean, after a bit of driving and stopping for a huge-normous case of Mountain Dew, I was there.

There was the normal crowd, expanded by about fifteen bagillion. In my book, it was going to be a fantastically fun time! The main game in the living room started (Cranium), while E and Ana decided to challenge me to a game of pool. Me, I suck balls at pool - I can do all the physics easily in my head but getting the balls to actually GO there is another issue. I ended up thumped by Ana in probably the worst played game of pool in the century. Eh, no worries, there was fun all around. E had the winner and there was quite a group joining in for the conversation, so I was enjoying myself and learning new (and semi-new) faces when, all of the sudden, I notice Miss Sharky on the other side of the glass door. I make a face in that general direction - and the whole room was mooned. *snicker..... snicker..... SNORT!* Being the kinky bastard I am, double thumbs up and a shit eating grin was what she earned. The looks from everyone else were mighty entertaining.

Not much later, we started digging around for another game to play because pool was... well... getting meh. Someone mentioned a Scrabble game, so Silver brings out the board. Miss Sharky takes a place, Ana another, and another slave at the final. Me, I just sit back to watch. I'm terrible with vocabulary and spelling, although I love reading and books. Whelp, Sharky ends up called away for some reason or another... and I end up with her tiles. Which suck - she drew the X and the Z in the first draw! GAH! Then they all decide it's going to be a mix up game - we're playing Kinky Scrabble! Yup, you heard right! All words had to be kink related as voted by the rest of the players, except the incidental words that pop up when you connect two rows side by side (although they still had to be real words). Loverly - my vocabulary got to drop even further! O.o   Although I did not win by any stretch of the imagination (and don't mention the word 'quiver' around Ana - she'll rip your head off), it was a fun time and interesting to see what everyone else came up with. I ended up the game with no vowels and a bit of a headache. Eh, no big deal. So, Red and his new ladyfriend called me over to move my car, because they were in the process of getting ready to leave. Ok... run outside, move my car... then come back in for another game of something before heading home.

I put my huge ass-kicking boots on (although about halfway, and not zipped, but they're walkable) and start down the brick stairs to the driveway. It's chilly, wet, and those stairs are narrow.

Somehow, a few steps in, I trip over my boot. All I know is my weight went up and over my foot so it pointed under me and I went down in an ungraceful heap - one knee leading, the other somewhere not helpful (and honestly, I have no idea where), my torso still upright (yea, no cracking the head, which was a miracle all it's own) and the boot thrown somewhere else. I sat at the bottom of the stairs for a few seconds, remembering what that feeling was - aw shit, I just did something to the ankle on the not-good end 'cause it's hurting like my other one does when I roll it bad. Oh, well, time to go move my car then get it on ice... and take a look and a poke to see if I broke anything. I can get up and walk on it - but it's tough and I hobble a few steps before the pain goes away enough to stop whimpering. I move my car out of the drive and around  to the street. Instead of attempting to put on my boot again, which I bet probably won't fit by this time, I reach back for a croc that I know I have in the back. I reach down to put on the croc and it's a tight fit... yea, I did something. That's when I felt it - a huge hump on the top of my foot and it's getting bigger. The funny thing is, there's no real pain... it's like someone stuck a water balloon on the top of my foot and sewed me in. Ah, shit. Time to get inside. Hell, maybe someone will help drag me up the inside stairs.

I work my way across the lawn (and almost slip on my ass a few times, grawr) before making it to the stairs. I climb on all fours (three at that point) up the brick and reach up to the door to open and find Red and his lady there. Relief! People! I let them know that the car is moved, and they notice something's not right - like the fact I'm on my knees on the stairs. Somehow I mention I fell, they noticed my foot, and it was a rush to get me upstairs, stable, and get some medical help (in the form of Ana - huzzah nursing people!). Five minutes later, my foot was the size of a half a tennis ball stuck on top, but I couldn't feel a damn thing except when people touched my toes (which I could still move). They convinced me to go to the ER based on the color and size it was getting to... and thankfully Ana and E are close enough to where I live and agree to get me in.

After inventing hall jousting with both the beds and the wheelchair (not in practice, just mentally and mentioned it to the orderlies), a lot less time than normal in the ER, an X ray and crutches later, we found out that I'm pretty dammed lucky. Nope, I didn't break anything, I just tore up pretty much everything I landed on. Huzzah? Ana and E helped get me home in one piece (which was a challenge, I might add, when I almost face-planted on the crutches several times) and a few more kinksters got my car home. Might I mention, for a group of people that enjoy beating the shit out of each other, kinksters are also some of the most kind, caring people that only want the best for you at the end of the day? I love y'all. Seriously.

Foot, one day later.

 Foot, after four days and a LOT of compression

So, moral of the (really long and convoluted) story?  Don't descent the stairs in a manner not recommended for humans. You might end up the center of attention, but it'll be a bitch to move around a college campus on crutches. No matter what your foot believes, just say no! XD

Reflections of a Rope Dummy

Realization time again.

I was at a play party a few days ago, and I realized I really don't like rope. Not in the "I HATE IT! AHH!" Type of fashion... more like it just doesn't do a thing for me at the fetish/kink/sexual? level. Which is sad, because I know I could have fun if it were a challenge for me (read stress position), or if I could find some headspace other than 'how the hell are they doing that tie, 'cause I bet I could do this?!?' I mean, I have a blast with Crossbow and Spider because they tend to get to some other things when I'm immobilized that are VERY enjoyable. I thought Crossbow's corset tie on me was pretty and I with I could have seen myself in it (well - it would be pretty with a better body model, but let's NOT go there this time), but it was more enjoyable when Milli, Crossbow, and Spider attacked me with ice and other various implements. That's when I ended up spacing out in order to cope instead of saying or doing something I know I'd regret. Especially since Milli's taken. Although fucking hot. Although happily taken. Grawr. [Insert frustration with lack of person to 'share time' with here]

Then, while being tied up by another gent and helping him get the ties down... it hit me and I spoke the truth. I don't mind being a rope bunny. I enjoy being helpful while being tied... as a practice implement or a demo doll. That's fulfilling because it serves a purpose, but on my own? Rope (maybe I should classify it as ground ties) doesn't really do much for me, at a meh, shrug, level. It's what you do to me when I'm IN the rope that get me going. Which is really sad... because Crossbow really loves to tie me up.

Actually, thinking about it, I did love the suspension. I might have to beg at some point to get more experience with THAT form of rope. Hm.

Also, someone beat me (yes, read that in any way you will) if I don't get the balls to ask for a play session sometime soon with Miss Sharky. 'cause that woman can swing a whip and is good with 'newbs'. I've seen her play. Just sayin'.

*yoink*

I swear I'll put up some more fun from the weeks I've been away later, but for now to show I'm still alive... 100 questions! [Also, mentalspace is currently mental. Leave a message after the tone]

Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
Machine Run - mind.in.a.box
Mystique - Blue Stahli
Once in a Lifetime - Wolfsheim
Beautiful Freak - Faderhead
Invisible & Silent - Covenant
Get Your Body Beat - Combichrist


2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Living today? Queen Elizabeth
Ever on this earth, even if they're dead now? Rosalind Franklin


3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"'I...' she stammered, looking frightened and small in her gorgeous outfit."


4) What do you think about most?

   What I'm actually doing with (and to) myself.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

   ~ I'll have to update this once I find my freakin' phone...


6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

   With, unless I'm in the house alone. I prefer without, though


7) What's your strangest talent?

Really weird flexibility in odd places and none in others. I can't do the splits and my arms are no longer uber flexi - neither is my back as flexible as it used to be... but! I can still go into a front lunge and touch my head to the ground due to my hip flexion.


8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)

Girls rule; boys drool. *snerk*

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not unless you count the poems that I write about my experiences and/or point of view


10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

The Christmas party before we left on break. There was some Breaking Benjamin on, man! I HAD to rock out!


11) Do you have any strange phobias?

Sociophobia now. I used to have a HUGE phobia of thunderstorms because of tornados. As in I thought that I'd die every time there was a thunderstorm, so I ended up in the basement in a neverending panic attack. It sucked balls, man, and took forever to get rid of on my own.


12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

   Quite a few in boredom. Straws (then immediately discard)....


13) What's your religion?

Eclectic Pagan. Not really practicing at the moment, so I could be considered agnostic too.


14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Trying to get to school. Or running around like an idiot in a thunderstorm catching frogs and salamanders. Take your pick.


15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.


16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Toss up. If there was a way to combine VNV Nation with mind.in.a.box, A Perfect Circle, Covenant, and Combichrist, that would be epic - except REALLY odd sounding because of the huge cross-genre thing. O.o


17) What was the last lie you told?

My housemates thought I was getting trained on a sequencer. I was at a fetish party. Go figure?


18) Do you believe in karma?

 The law of threes, baby. I've paid back for a lot of karma in my day. What I wish would happen? A book that would let you see what in hell you're actually paying for - 'cause then I might actually learn something. Unfortunately, that's just a little too easy.


19) What does your blog title mean?

 Sublimation - the act of matter undergoing huge energy increases (thermal) to go straight from a solid state to a gaseous (or into plasma). AKA - the act of a HUGE change.


20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Weakness - the inability to shed apathy and care about what needs to be done in order to actually live.

Strength - my absolute lack of personal judgment and drama tolerance. I flit between so many groups of people without being able to really hate anyone unless they do something outright malicious, so I end up talking to (and seeing the best of) most anyone.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

Male or female? Female - Angeline Jolie, Anne Hathaway, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, Kelli Williams or Kathrine Heigel (although I hate her personality, I just shallowly want to get in her pants and then leave, kthxbye). Male - Matthew Mcconaughey, Eric Winter, or Tim Roth

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

  A-yup, when I was a kid and shameless.

23) How do you vent your anger?

 I don't really get angry anymore. I usually just get depressed.... but anger? I used to work it out lifting weights or throwing heavy implements (track and field - hammer or discus).


24) Do you have a collection of anything?

 Music, anything Peanuts/Snoopy related, dragons, books


25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

  Neither, really. I prefer talking face to face or not at all.


26) Are you happy with the person you've become?

  Not really. I wish I could pull a 180 in some areas in very little time, but it's going to be a slow process. I really don't like what I do to myself. At least it's better than what I did to people (past tense).


27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate - metal on my teeth. *shudder*

Love - the wind through conifers and the babble of a stream


28) What's your biggest "what if"?

 What if, for once, I wasn't afraid or apathetic or whatever and actually worked hard towards a goal and saw it through, fail or succeed? Could I actually succeed or at least fail without having guilt on my conscience and beating myself up for it endlessly?


29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts - hell yea. I have personal experiences to fall back on that one. Aliens - I believe we've proven that one. There's proof of former bacterial life on Mars preserved in the ice caps from before it became the wasteland it is today. You didn't say it had to be multicellular or intelligent, did you.


30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

 Right arm - stack of pillows. Left - the book from earlier (Every Which Way But Dead - Kim Harrison) and my blanket.


31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

Laundry that's on my floor and needs to get cleaned up this morning. When I get up.


32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

A dead lake in an industrial wasteland with PCB pollution feeding into a huge (and once very much alive) river. Silver lake, feeding into the Housatonic River

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?

  East Coast. It's where I've lived my entire life.


34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

   Hm.That's one hell of a good question. I go for deep and smexah voices when it comes to 'attractive' in singers, more than looks. So, Peter Heppner's voice is uber smexah. Looks department? I'd go for Daren Hayes from Savage Garden. Yum. =)


35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

  The meaning of life is to protect and nurture everything beautiful and innocent. To me, that's worth dying for because I'm long out of either of those categories.

 36) Define Art.

Art is the primal expression of any form of head space, thought or concept.


37) Do you believe in luck?

   Yup, and it believes in me, too. Usually on the 'bad' spectrum.


38) What's the weather like right now?

  Snow! (Finally)


39) What time is it?

  1:27pm. Man, I need to get to work on something productive really soon. Like doing everything my housemates were yelling at me to do yesterday. *sigh*


40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

   Yup, and yup. It started with my temps, and some idiot didn't stop at the stop sign when I did. Rear-ended mom's Jeep - that went over well. Other than that, I've gone into a ditch or two on ice. Nothing more spectacular than that, thank heavens and knock on wood.


41) What was the last book you read?

   Mastiff - Tamora Pierce


42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

 Not really...


43) Do you have any nicknames?

Dani, D, Dee Dee bug, Certari, Lyra, The Scarlet Ninja, Helen, Olga, Sara [Long stories on some of them....]


44) What was the last movie you saw?

 Nightwatch


45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?

Worst lasting injury - broken ankle. Pole vaulting pits have several sections that tie together, with a common cover over the top. I landed on my feet in the pit, my foot rolled down the common cover and into sections that were separating. Athletic trainers said it was a sprain so I played basketball on it, went to throwing camp, and ran cross country up and down mountains. A month and a half later, mom let me get it checked out where we found it was broken. Set wrong, needs surgery, etc.

Worst acute injury - Been hit in the head with a discus and set my own nose. It sucks.


46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?

 Both on the 'oh, look, a butterfly!' and the scientific levels. Not for a kill jar - I refuse. We caught monarch butterflies to tag wings for their migrations - and earned my dad the nickname 'butterfly hog'.


47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Herpetology, dragons, Sci/fi, MUSIC!!!!


48) What's your sexual orientation?

Bisexual, leaning to the ladies currently. No this doesn't mean I'm les and tricking myself - I happen to like dick too. I just.... I get along better with women romantically. Guys, I'm sorry, but you've had a few asshats ruin me for you for a bit.


49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

   Yes. Many. *sigh*


50) Do you believe in magic?

 Magic - the use of kinetic energy to produce results unexplainable by science: yes. Magic as in Poof! Rock = gold! Erm.... no.


51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Not usually, but there are a few that I won't forgive easily. I guess it depends on the level of 'wrong'. Now those that do wrong to the people that matter to me? I get really pissed off pretty quick and don't let it go easily.


52) What is your astrological sign?

   Aries


53) Do you save money or spend it?

 Depends if I'm on my ADD meds. On - save. Off - spend like an addict. It also depends on my car's status....


54) What's the last thing you purchased?

  ASB membership


55) Love or lust?

   Both. One without the other is.... well.... boring?


56) In a relationship?

  Nope, haven't in a very long while. I'm starting to think I'm incapable of being so.


57) How many relationships have you had?

  Formal? None. Informal? One or two. basically either 'good friends with benefits' or just 'possible fucktoy' that didn't pan out.


58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

  Yup!


59) Where were you yesterday?

   All over the f-ing place? School meetings, etc.


60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

   I should mention that I'm not a fan of pink. There are a few chainmaille pieces finished for a con sitting nearby with pink in them.


61) Are you wearing socks right now?

   Nope


62) What's your favorite animal?

  Real? - Snow Leopard  Fiction? - Dragon


63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

   Be quiet, accepting, kind, and attempt to understand where they're coming from. Attempt to figure out who they are, and play to that level of openness.


64) Where is your best friend?

   I don't really have one 'best' friend. But... here's the list. At her apartment, working on chainmalle. In class, probably teaching. In chem lab, probably teaching. Out checking his pitfall traps. In the room next door - I hear her on the comp. At work, by now riding the horses. At work, by now in surgery.

65) Spit or swallow?(;

   A lady never tells? Actually, never been to that point.


66) What is your heritage?

   Mom's side - Irish, touch of German and Native American

Dad's side - French Canadian, Dutch, and a touch of Native American


67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

  Wondering why in hell I wasn't asleep at that point. I think I was also working on maille.


68) What do you think is Satan's last name?

   Probably something fluffy, just to confuse us mere mortals.


69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

   Hm. Single gal in her mid-20's. Kinkster. I'd say, yea probably. More times than you'd even like to think about.


70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Eh, not really. I'm kind of all over the place on the emotional spectrum - if I'm readable that day. I think I'd probably just leave myself alone in the real world. *shrug*

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Former Vet Student. I'd get creative! Save the dog, go to the ER for something, and have a doctor's excuse so they can't fire me for this time. Huzzah!


72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

A - Depends on the prognosis. If it's something that people would notice, probably. If it's something that they wouldn't notice, probably not. It's much easier on everyone involved if you keep on livin' like you're alive.

B - Go and see some more of the world. Spend some good time with the people that matter.

C - Scared shitless, although I have been expecting it for some time now.


73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

   Not true, although sometimes in my life I make the situation so. Really, it's not about either, is it.


74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

  I know, it's stupid..... Just Dance - Lady Gaga. So sue me.


75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

   **** (Hah.. see what I did there? I'm not stupid).


76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

I..... really have no idea.


77) How can I win your heart?

  Um.... spend a long time figuring out me. Get past the bullshit. *shrug* Other than that, I have no idea?


78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

   Usually. I'm a case in point. On meds? Not that artistic. Off? Hell, I'm everywhere!


79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

   To go away from home for schooling.


80) What size shoes do you where?

   9 - 9.5.


81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

At first light lay proud foundations.

Sense the greatness that before you unfolds.

Seek no more for hollow answers.

Answers that lay within you all along.

Farewell to dawns seen through saddened eyes.

Farewell to pasts to sorrows chained.

Forget your fears.

You will have everything.

You will be strong and want no more.

Youll be adored.

You will have everything.

Forget your fears and want no more.

~VNV Nation


82) What is your favorite word?

   Rubicon


83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

   Beating life, electrical impulse driven into kinetic contractions.


84) What is a saying you say a lot?

  Awww.... balls!


85) What's the last song you listened to?

   Homeward - VNV Nation


86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?

   Crimson, black, blue (including those greenish blue and purpleish blue shades), neon orange


87) What is your current desktop picture?

   An abstract space scene.


88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

 


89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

   Who are you?


90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

   Wake up, roll over, chuckle, and go back to sleep.


91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

   Flight


92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

   One where I start in Doc's office, bullshitting around and then proceed to hang out with the group of friends at the village. Those were the best days I could have.


93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

   Unfortunately, there's a whole line up of experiences. Erasing just one wouldn't cut it... although getting rid of VK would be very tempting.


94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

   *shrug* Eh, they probably have their pick of people to have sex with. Really, I wouldn't want to at that point.


95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

   Ireland.


96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

   A distant cousin... who I think is out on house arrest. I'm not quite sure though.


97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

   Not that I remember - I don't get motion sick, so it'd have to be a bug or something.


98) Ever been on a plane?

   Loads!


99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

   Hey, guys? You do realize that everything the "large powers" are doing at every level is complete bullshit, right? How about we all get our heads dislodged from whatever orifice it's in, and actually cooperate. 'cause you're no more 'right' then the next person.... and there are some people here that actually DESERVE that time and energy that you're pissing away and they need help, like, a week ago. Mk?

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on blogspot.

Curiosity Saved This Kitty
Owned, Collared, Loved
Male Protection
The training of my lovely slut.
Demon Candy.

Life's a little screwed.

This semester has been an absolute mess. As in, I don't know if it's salvageable to a point where I know I'll be able to apply to PhD programs - type of mess. Sadly, it's my own idiocy that did it (yet again).


Say what, you say? Whelp, let's start at the beginning.

I started the year in financial difficulty because of my lack of being able to account for money. In short, I'd waited too long to move completely out of my old apartment into the house (spending money in the form of rent in the process), didn't save enough from my job to really get much done, and had to take care of an unwanted dog that my family fostered on me (as in it was you take him to put him down or you take him away.) So, I entered the year with a lot on my plate, little done on my thesis, and no money whatsoever. Oh, did I mention that my student loan took a month longer than it should have to go through?

Other than the 'normal' issues caused by financial difficulty, I also couldn't get back on my ADHD meds for the year.

Let's make it clear - I'm not on much. But that minimum dose? Keeps my head (mostly) in the real world and lets me function at a level where I'm not lost all day in a haze of 'lump' ness. As in, without I get jack shit done because I'm escaping into another mental-land. I really wish I didn't need the meds to stay here, but... it's better to be on them and at least (sometimes minimally) functional than to sit like a log and lose time. As in days and/or weeks. Yea.

And I had started back up on smoking, which (although feels wonderful because I like to hide in the fog of nothing) is even more detrimental to functioning human instead of blob. Ok, so, mental insanity. Yup.

I didn't get an appointment to get back on the meds until October.

Classes were pretty much peachy although I didn't get the chance to go up to work as much as I really needed to. Up until I lost it, that is. As in became so lazy and lost in mental-world that I didn't do an assignment and was REALLY far behind on grading my kids' work. It wasn't that huge of an issue, though, 'cause the assignment I made up with in spades with extra credit quizzes. No biggie.

In the meantime, I was supposed to be working on PhD applications. Yup, I'd get around to it.... eventually.

Then there were two 10 page single spaced papers due before thankgiving for the same class. Eh, I could work on them over break and get them in a little late, right?

So now I sit, several days after the final, with none of the 2 papers done, PhD applications due in three days (I sent the GRE scores but not the transcripts and I still need one letter of recommendation from somewhere  - probably out my ass) and no idea if I can actually get anything worth managing done TODAY so I can go to Findlay and attempt to talk to my adviser up there and hope she's not pissed at me to the point of denouncing me. What I want to do? Crawl under a rock and let mental oblivion take me into escapism bliss.

What I'm going to do? Get off of the damn games and books that are pointless to read 'cause they're fantasy and get my ass in gear. It's time to write (and work) my ass off - because I just sunk myself again.

Funny how I keep doing the same goddamn thing to my life.