Black, tight, and oh, so fun

So, after all the attention to wardrobe, hectic mental functioning and frantic prep work for everything in the world... (and a $700 hospital bill from the stair incident)...

I have a corset! Based on suggestions from a few people over on our favorite fetish friendly website, I wandered my happy behind over to Timeless Trends and picked out a corset to attempt to re-train on waist curvature. Unfortunately I may have picked out a size too big because it's a touch big around the rib area (although I did attempt to lace in myself - which might be a big factor) but I can reduce my waist by about 4" with the style I ended up with. I have 45 days to figure out if it's the right size - so if anyone wants to poke, prod, and generally annoy me at the birthday bash, I'm hoping to wear it with the hobble skirt then. If I can find the time to actually sew the skirt. And find a cinching garter belt, 'cause the corset doesn't quite cinch the rest of the area that I'd need beaten into shape. Hm.

Anywho! Picture!

Now, the one I WANT eventually... if I can afford it... is an overbust in a rust-brown. Someday! Maybe when I'm not a student that can only afford ramen noodles now that I get to pay off the medical people. Hm.

Pulled Over

I was going to be home by eleven if I could keep up this pace. Driving into the night was always the best option for me; it was about five hours from Undergrad to Current city and I had a full lab day before I could leave. I'm jamming out to Puscifer on my radio, so slow and sexy, when I reach over for my GPS. Correct my driving pattern because I hadn't gotten the GPS in time for a curve - I didn't go over the center line by more than an inch on the driver's side and there was no one in the next lane.

Flashing lights in my rearview.

Oh...... balls.

But... but... but... I wasn't speeding!

Attempt to get over to the shoulder on the right - which is nonexistent. Make my way to the left lane and that shoulder, park with the flashers, and notice a tall, slim, and buff policeman get out of the car. Huzzah. I'm sooo screwed.

"Good evening, sir, what can I do for you?"
"Liscence and proof of insurance."
*rummage rummage*aigajwgbah is this the current one.... yup! *hand over*
"So, where are you coming from?"
"[Undergrad]"
"And going to?"
"Current city"
"Ma'am, I've pulled you over for several reasons. The first being that we've had calls in about a drunk driver."

*blink* Shit, what?

"That's... amusing. I can assure you, sir, that I have NOT been drinking. Not only have I not in the position to have been drinking due to having been in a research lab all day and then having driven for about 3 hours already, but I have an allergic intolerance."
"So what were you doing in [Undergrad]?"
"I'm a graduate student at [Grad school]. My thesis project is based out of a lab up there, so I travel back and forth to work in the lab on the weekends and go to school during the week."
"What's your thesis topic"
[Insert babble about genetics here]
"Do you take any medications?"
"Concerta... a derivative of Ritalin"
"When?"
"Every morning, usually around 9am."
".............. I'm attempting to figure out why you were weaving."

Pfft... reaching for something, ADHD, and sleep deprived. Take your pick of a combination.

"Whelp, I do work long hours in that lab. Sometimes 19+. I'm a grad student. I'm sure you can imagine I'm sleep deprived."
*ticket writing process*
"Go into that stop and take a nap before you continue your drive, ma'am."

*sigh*

So, yea, I'm out $115 for a traffic ticket that I have NO idea why I actually got it. Weaving? Yea, I don't actually remember weaving at all to piss off a person to call in before missing that turn timing. Grawr. At least it wasn't actually DUI - that would have been A) Fightable because I DO NOT drink and drive - I don't even drink! and B) A tank to any future endeavor. BLAAAAAH.

I still don't wanna pay up, but it's better than driving 2.5 ish hours up from Grad school to fight a ticket. *sigh*

Meme Party Mayhem

My house tends to be rather nuts.

J has her birthday today (Huzzah!), which means we had another insane party at our place this past weekend. I didn't expect to be able to go, but students kept me in office hours for way too damn long, so it was pointless to drive up to the thesis lab site that evening. In five minutes I had to come up with a costume for the theme of the party so I could be the DD and party control. Hmmmm.... internet memes?

Box Gundam!
I can't find a big enough box.

A Wild X Appears!
Meh, how would I pull that friggin' off?

I Fucking Love Cocaine
Nah, not enough snow.

Feel Like a Sir
No top hat or monocle.

Not A Fuck was Given....
..... that might work......

My Little Pony IRL
.
.
.
YES!

So I grab the cyber dreads, the black eyeliner, the wool dread-heads, the goth wear, and the stash of ponytail holders and get to work. Unfortunately, there are no photos of the end result (dammit), but it was rather epic - except noone got it. If I were at a kink party, I have a feeling everyone would have raised eyebrows and the Dom/mes would have grabbed the bit gags. Seriously.

I have long and thick enough hair that with four ponytails in a row down my head and the multi-color dreads accenting, I had a full mane that would make a Frisian proud.  Bell bottom black pants, the wool anchored as a tail, a black heart painted on my cheek. Yes. I was a fucking pony and was ready to go show off. Pet would have been proud.

After the party ramped up and I got the 'what the hell ARE you?' out of the way, I had so much enthusiasm and energy I ended up prancing around the house... and got requests to snort, stamp, and generally act like a horse. I've done so much horse work cleaning stalls that it was easy and entertaining. =)

Unfortunately, there was some problems at the party as well. We had a few over-drink (which isn't surprising), and a few of them we didn't know how to handle because they're usually in the 'I'll only have one or two and stop' category. I was unaware the housemate that's attached with someone (I'm calling him Boyfriend) in my lab has an open relationship and he's one that we didn't know how to manage. I was out of the crowd control gig the moment I had to step out and away from the party because of what he did......

*sigh*

There are two or three women in the GA crowd that catch my eye and I'd be after them in a heartbeat if I stood a flipping chance. One's a vagina-phobe. I'm serious, she's not homo-phobic in any way, shape or form - she doesn't care about that. She's scared to death of vaginas and loves penis way too much, so she'd never hook up with another girl. Mk, no problem, we'd clash personality wise anyway, but it's still a fun daydream to think of a one night stand.

Another one is straight, although she has sisters that are all gay or bi. *shrug* She was also taken... or up until recently, I found out while she was toasty. No big deal, I can dream and hold in my comments when she's holding the Hitachi wand against her back for a massage (No shit, she did this while drunk at the party. Then had the nativity to NOT get it and try to get me over there with a "come on, ***my name***, it feels so good!"). She's a tease when she's drunk, but it's manageable and I can usually control myself enough to STFU.

The last one's straight (so I think?) and native beyond the beyond. Blushes brick red around any form of suggestive activity... you get it. She lives her life in her bubble of work, but she has enough common interests with me that it's always a fun conversation. God damn, what I wish I could do with this one... and she can move/dance (martial arts, dance training, etc), so she's also one hell of a tease. I don't have the close fiend tie with her like I do with numero dos, so I'm harder to control around this chiqua. Usually I can manage.... although the urge to join spin the bottle with number two and three was almost my downfall at the last party. Instead I played voyeur.

Except Number three got drunk this time enough to let go. The usual Tool tried, but he couldn't get anywhere fast 'cause she knows how to put up with his shit. I'm keeping tabs on the outside when I hear Boyfriend and Number three are locked up in a housemate's room - which I think is no big deal 'cause Boyfriend is taken and Number 3's almost a saint, or at least a prude. Yea, no, housemate, Boyfriend and Number three are actually talking about 'options' because of the open relationship. They come out (no one knows what was going on except that clothes stayed on, so no big deal). I'm talking to Number two about her hitachi experience in the kitchen with Number 3 in presence.. until Boyfriend comes up, whispers in Number 3's ear, kisses her seductively, then asks if that was ok. She stumbles back with a dreamy look on her face and says she 'has to think about it'.

I almost fucking lost it. I almost.... almost.... knocked the fucker out. Instead I think I turned three shades of white, two of pink, then strolled out of the house.

It wasn't the poly aspect that got me... I know people that are poly and happy and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Hell, if I were at a kink party, it would be normal and I'd be absolutely peachy. That's the thing - it wasn't a kink event and Number 3's not kinky. JealousMonster! decided it was time to let out the rest of the monster and I had one hell of a fight holding on to the reigns on myself. In my mind it was like I'm a starving African child and some overweight bastard walks up to the locked up bag of Doritos, reaches right in 'cause they can, and eats the whole bag. Fuck no. I know I don't have a chance, but you don't have to fucking smear my nose in it. Not when you already have one good thing in your life. Fuck you. Fuck you, girls, for teasing me more than I can stand (although unknowingly), and fuck you, sir, for playing the field of impossible for someone like me.

Yes, I walked out of the party and cooled down enough to shove the monster back in the box. It came out on my face a few times later that evening when Two and Three continued to unwittingly push the 'tease' button throughout the night and I got a few questions from a few other people as to if I was ok... but I kept myself in check until 6 am when the last of everyone got their happy asses home. Three hours of sleep later, I chatted with Number 2 (yea, she's one of my housemates) without a verbal filter (but the mental one was still in check - huzzah!) and I dove myself up to thesis-place in time to get some testing done.

Good God, I could use a drink. Except I have an allergic reaction to something in booze. But I could use a drink. Or a sledgehammer to the head. Or something.

An old corset and a few words

I recently found an old photo from my undergrad days.

I'm standing in front of a white multi-pane door with black accents. I'm in a (plastic boned) corset, black with white flower designs, with my hair down and noir style makeup. I have a mysterious grin on my face - really, I don't remember why. I do remember it was just before heading out to goth night at my old stomping grounds and I had a good friend of mine take the photo.

So, I put it up on the *insert fetish website here* just for kicks. I have more images of chainmaille up there than anything else, and I figure most people are probably getting annoyed with me publicizing my side business. The only real flattering photo of myself I have up is from 2008 - the one of me in the dress and snow. Huzzah. I was also lusting for a real steel boned corset, so I figured I had to make my case that I like corsetry. Or something.

I got a huge and unexpected reaction from a ton of people in the local scene. As in, I was absolutely floored.

Most everyone put up the usual "damn, you look hot." Ok, that's a usual complement for pictures that people are just seeing where there is some sexual appeal. Fetish people and corsets - they go together like a turtle and water. Two responses really got me, though, because they had something deeper to say.

One, unnamed for general reasons, said something along the lines of (paraphrasing) With that shy and sexy smile, I wish we saw more of this side of you.

*blink*

O....k.....
I think I'm letting this out a bit, but I guess not?

The other said (paraphrasing, from a male source) - I don't really see you as a sexual type person until I saw this, but now I can objectify you in a good way.

*mini internal freakout*

That's when the knife decided to anchor itself somewhere in the rib/lung area and I had to flee from the site for a while. Why? Well, it's difficult really to pin down. I guess it's because I AM  a sexual person times ten bagillion and one. My libido (and attitude on sex in general) is like a 15-16 year old boy in a strip club.... which is why I keep it shoved in under a rock somewhere on the west coast.

I'm NOT a good person. I can't be trusted to keep my damn hands to myself, and I most certainly can't be trusted to keep in the acceptable limits spectrum. That 15-16 year old boy? He's been in the weight room and is more than willing to overcome the next beautiful woman that passes by. I fight, struggle, coerce, and generally beat the crap out of that part of me so it stays in relative submission and I can function like a 'normal' human during the day - but sometimes bits and pieces come flying on out at unexpected moments. So, after a few scares and a lot of self-loathing coming from the 'normal' person in here, I linked the sexual to the perverse. Not that it's a BAD thing to be perverse... it's just the extreme part of myself that I loathe to see loose control in ME.

It doesn't help that the 'sexy' in me is fleeting at best under the strain and pressure I hold myself to in order to not let anything 'unacceptable' show. Toss in the geek, throw in a 'fuck off' written on my forehead when I'm uncomfortable with myself and my thoughts... it's no wonder I'm still on the singles market.

But my submission, with someone else in control, I don't have to worry about that other personality... for some reason it disappears and I can relax. I rarely have to beat a tiger back with a stick when I'm being beaten, or iced, or *insert favorite torture here* ~ although I make sure to negotiate no sex.

Dammit, I rambled on again.

Anyway, if they want to see the relaxed sexiness? They can either wait until I get a better tiger cage or they can let me get it out with some activity that I can control. Dancing (as in stripping), I can control myself. Normal interactions - I haven't even tried out of fear.

This birthday party, after these requests, is going to be like throwing the rest of my head to the sharks. I'm just hoping for no panic attacks to sneak up from my past...

Slave Chains, Birthday Parties, and Hobble skirts - Oh my!

With a name like that, I'd better come up with something REALLY interesting to write about, huh.

Still here?

Well then. Hate to disappoint you, but all of these things have nothing to do with each other. My, that would make one hell of a fun story though, wouldn't it? Heh!

Anyway... Point one - Slave Chains!

A local group puts on a Mardi Gras Party every year - or so I hear. They've asked me to come up with a donation for a raffle, since I'm the local chainmaille nut and can maille something random in my sleep. Ok, then, but there's another mailler that's working her way up the jewelry market faster than I can blink - and I know she's looking at making something fabulous. Damn these pupils overcoming their masters! *fist wave* So, I'm open to opinions.... my first thought when I saw the outcome of the picture below was that - in Titanium - it would make bitchin' slave chain.

Jens Pind in micro

Yes, I intend to make it the same size. Yes, that is a real life penny in the center. Hence me wanting to make it from Titanium. Now, what I have envisioned is this: two anklets (lockable?), with a chain connector that can act as a hobble (only so long for the stride).

Part Dos - Birthday Parties!

At the game night I mentioned earlier (the one where I tried my damnedest to break my foot...), Ana had this wonderfully complex idea. You see, her 21st B-day is coming up [HUZZAH!!!!!!], and she wants a kinky bash along with the usual festivities. My b-day's not too far behind (25, whut?!?), and I'll be in a conference several states away, so why not a double?  I sat there coming up with ways to make this happen - which included a usual stomping ground for a local group. As long as we had the space and the people, we'd be ok, right? Yea, we ended up without the space. *headdesk*

All of the sudden, the complex part reminded me how much of a mental case I can be for taking on such things with enthusiasm. I ended up occupado for a few days with grading papers for my students (that I'm still not done with... heh.) and Ana heard of this and was frantic, which is understandable. The prospective community responded with gusto (I thank EVERYONE who offered up places/homes - again, I'm amazed at how awesome you people are =3), but that left us with a bit of a problem....

The only places that could handle the number of people that would show up are rather sizable rooms/locations. We have one that fits the bill (again - I LOVE Spider and Cross for mentioning their place! *MUAH!*), but the drama llama had to rear it's head because some people that we wouldn't mind inviting are on the THOU SHALT NOT list due to past personal issues. This wouldn't bother me too much (morality, what?) if she hadn't offered up HER place to host as well - which would have the same conditions.

*ball-punts the drama llama*

If in this sort of situation, is it acceptable to have a public lunch the day of, then a private kink party later? I don't want anyone to think we're choosing sides - 'cause I for one am NOT. I didn't even know there was a problem with these groups until really recently. I know that I just want to save myself from the crossfire (and Ana if I can help it) if there is any. So.... yea. Trouble? Sure? Thank you, Sir, may I have another?

Part Trox - Hobble Skirts

A few months ago (I'm not really sure when...) I noticed Pet had a deviantart account on his links. Thinking it was HIS, I wandered on over. Nope, it's not his, but a fantastic artist named Lord Dragon Master. He/She/It? Meh... They are a fantastic comic artist that draws a manga that I'll be reviewing shortly because... well... it's that awesome. BUT - while I'm waiting for LDM to hand me over a linkable button with a bit of his art on it for you to click on and wander over that way, he drew up a character in a costume that I absolutely LOVE (psssst - click me for the link). As in, I want it. I lust for it. And I want it to wear for the birthday party, dammit.

The best part is, I have a pair of black pants that are starting to wear really bad in the crotch region (yea, I have gams). I noticed they have a hole or two and I can't wear them as pants anymore. Lightbulb - on! Now I need to find someone with a sewing machine............... Oh, and I need to find a decently priced  steel boned corset. 'cause I also am 5'6", 230 lbs, and don't look like this anymore -

High School Self-Portrait. 165 lbs, Senior Year

 A play party, this past year - current body shape.

Also, the pants that will be altered.

230lbs

 Self Portrait, same dress as HS.

Junior year undergrad - and tightlacing.

225 lbs?

So, yea.... it'll be interesting. BUT I WILL DO IT! (I hope?)

And suddenly, there were stairs.

Hypno and his loverly wife host some of the best non-kink allowed parties for kinky people. I mean, seriously, where else are you gong to find a huge, dynamic, and diverse group of people piled on a couch watching V for Vendetta? Seriously? So, when a 'kinky game night' was posted, I was there. I mean, after a bit of driving and stopping for a huge-normous case of Mountain Dew, I was there.

There was the normal crowd, expanded by about fifteen bagillion. In my book, it was going to be a fantastically fun time! The main game in the living room started (Cranium), while E and Ana decided to challenge me to a game of pool. Me, I suck balls at pool - I can do all the physics easily in my head but getting the balls to actually GO there is another issue. I ended up thumped by Ana in probably the worst played game of pool in the century. Eh, no worries, there was fun all around. E had the winner and there was quite a group joining in for the conversation, so I was enjoying myself and learning new (and semi-new) faces when, all of the sudden, I notice Miss Sharky on the other side of the glass door. I make a face in that general direction - and the whole room was mooned. *snicker..... snicker..... SNORT!* Being the kinky bastard I am, double thumbs up and a shit eating grin was what she earned. The looks from everyone else were mighty entertaining.

Not much later, we started digging around for another game to play because pool was... well... getting meh. Someone mentioned a Scrabble game, so Silver brings out the board. Miss Sharky takes a place, Ana another, and another slave at the final. Me, I just sit back to watch. I'm terrible with vocabulary and spelling, although I love reading and books. Whelp, Sharky ends up called away for some reason or another... and I end up with her tiles. Which suck - she drew the X and the Z in the first draw! GAH! Then they all decide it's going to be a mix up game - we're playing Kinky Scrabble! Yup, you heard right! All words had to be kink related as voted by the rest of the players, except the incidental words that pop up when you connect two rows side by side (although they still had to be real words). Loverly - my vocabulary got to drop even further! O.o   Although I did not win by any stretch of the imagination (and don't mention the word 'quiver' around Ana - she'll rip your head off), it was a fun time and interesting to see what everyone else came up with. I ended up the game with no vowels and a bit of a headache. Eh, no big deal. So, Red and his new ladyfriend called me over to move my car, because they were in the process of getting ready to leave. Ok... run outside, move my car... then come back in for another game of something before heading home.

I put my huge ass-kicking boots on (although about halfway, and not zipped, but they're walkable) and start down the brick stairs to the driveway. It's chilly, wet, and those stairs are narrow.

Somehow, a few steps in, I trip over my boot. All I know is my weight went up and over my foot so it pointed under me and I went down in an ungraceful heap - one knee leading, the other somewhere not helpful (and honestly, I have no idea where), my torso still upright (yea, no cracking the head, which was a miracle all it's own) and the boot thrown somewhere else. I sat at the bottom of the stairs for a few seconds, remembering what that feeling was - aw shit, I just did something to the ankle on the not-good end 'cause it's hurting like my other one does when I roll it bad. Oh, well, time to go move my car then get it on ice... and take a look and a poke to see if I broke anything. I can get up and walk on it - but it's tough and I hobble a few steps before the pain goes away enough to stop whimpering. I move my car out of the drive and around  to the street. Instead of attempting to put on my boot again, which I bet probably won't fit by this time, I reach back for a croc that I know I have in the back. I reach down to put on the croc and it's a tight fit... yea, I did something. That's when I felt it - a huge hump on the top of my foot and it's getting bigger. The funny thing is, there's no real pain... it's like someone stuck a water balloon on the top of my foot and sewed me in. Ah, shit. Time to get inside. Hell, maybe someone will help drag me up the inside stairs.

I work my way across the lawn (and almost slip on my ass a few times, grawr) before making it to the stairs. I climb on all fours (three at that point) up the brick and reach up to the door to open and find Red and his lady there. Relief! People! I let them know that the car is moved, and they notice something's not right - like the fact I'm on my knees on the stairs. Somehow I mention I fell, they noticed my foot, and it was a rush to get me upstairs, stable, and get some medical help (in the form of Ana - huzzah nursing people!). Five minutes later, my foot was the size of a half a tennis ball stuck on top, but I couldn't feel a damn thing except when people touched my toes (which I could still move). They convinced me to go to the ER based on the color and size it was getting to... and thankfully Ana and E are close enough to where I live and agree to get me in.

After inventing hall jousting with both the beds and the wheelchair (not in practice, just mentally and mentioned it to the orderlies), a lot less time than normal in the ER, an X ray and crutches later, we found out that I'm pretty dammed lucky. Nope, I didn't break anything, I just tore up pretty much everything I landed on. Huzzah? Ana and E helped get me home in one piece (which was a challenge, I might add, when I almost face-planted on the crutches several times) and a few more kinksters got my car home. Might I mention, for a group of people that enjoy beating the shit out of each other, kinksters are also some of the most kind, caring people that only want the best for you at the end of the day? I love y'all. Seriously.

Foot, one day later.

 Foot, after four days and a LOT of compression

So, moral of the (really long and convoluted) story?  Don't descent the stairs in a manner not recommended for humans. You might end up the center of attention, but it'll be a bitch to move around a college campus on crutches. No matter what your foot believes, just say no! XD

Reflections of a Rope Dummy

Realization time again.

I was at a play party a few days ago, and I realized I really don't like rope. Not in the "I HATE IT! AHH!" Type of fashion... more like it just doesn't do a thing for me at the fetish/kink/sexual? level. Which is sad, because I know I could have fun if it were a challenge for me (read stress position), or if I could find some headspace other than 'how the hell are they doing that tie, 'cause I bet I could do this?!?' I mean, I have a blast with Crossbow and Spider because they tend to get to some other things when I'm immobilized that are VERY enjoyable. I thought Crossbow's corset tie on me was pretty and I with I could have seen myself in it (well - it would be pretty with a better body model, but let's NOT go there this time), but it was more enjoyable when Milli, Crossbow, and Spider attacked me with ice and other various implements. That's when I ended up spacing out in order to cope instead of saying or doing something I know I'd regret. Especially since Milli's taken. Although fucking hot. Although happily taken. Grawr. [Insert frustration with lack of person to 'share time' with here]

Then, while being tied up by another gent and helping him get the ties down... it hit me and I spoke the truth. I don't mind being a rope bunny. I enjoy being helpful while being tied... as a practice implement or a demo doll. That's fulfilling because it serves a purpose, but on my own? Rope (maybe I should classify it as ground ties) doesn't really do much for me, at a meh, shrug, level. It's what you do to me when I'm IN the rope that get me going. Which is really sad... because Crossbow really loves to tie me up.

Actually, thinking about it, I did love the suspension. I might have to beg at some point to get more experience with THAT form of rope. Hm.

Also, someone beat me (yes, read that in any way you will) if I don't get the balls to ask for a play session sometime soon with Miss Sharky. 'cause that woman can swing a whip and is good with 'newbs'. I've seen her play. Just sayin'.